All the Jobs I Had Before One with Health Insurance
Pizza slinger at Roma Pizzeria in Portland, Maine (Open ‘til 3 a.m. I was 19, all my friends were 21+.)
As I pound the proverbial pavement looking for full-time and/or contract work, I realized I’ve never written all of my jobs down. Here’s everything I did before I entered the land of employee health insurance. Volunteer experience included if it added up to more than 40 hours. My first babysitting gig was at 12.
Babysitter, including baby & child first aid CPR training in England and MD
Volunteer at Heartland House in Grasonville, MD
Hostess at Fisherman’s Crab Deck in Grasonville, MD (2 summers in a row.)
Volunteer at Cisco Center in Annapolis, MD
Hostess at Jetty Dock Bar (a.k.a. Sweaty Jetty) in Grasonville, MD
Tutor at Cardinal Tutors online
Associate at The Pet Shop in Stevensville, MD
Associate → Assistant Manager at Metro Boutique in State College, PA
Library intern at The Maine Historical Society in Portland, ME
Pizza slinger at Roma Pizzeria in Portland, ME (Open ‘til 3 a.m. I was 19, my friends were 21+.)
Writer at Ultius online (I had this gig for six years.)
Researcher on the Erickson Discovery Grant in Portland, ME
Assistant at Forma Furniture in Boulder, CO (Extremely brief.)
Sandwich-maker and bread slicer at Great Harvest Bread Company in Boulder, CO
Keyholder at Francesca’s Collections in Boulder, CO
Volunteer teacher at Phoenix House in Austin, TX
Associate Editor at Wide Open Spaces in Austin, TX
Associate Editor at Wide Open Country in Austin, TX
I was promoted at Wide Open Media to Editor of Wide Open Eats, marking my official entrance into my own health insurance. In between all of the above, I went to high school (grad. 2010), college (grad. 2013, 1 semester early), and low-residency grad school (grad. 2016).
Notes
I was privileged to have health insurance during all of these jobs because my parents had health insurance. Thank you to my Dad and Mom, who read this newsletter.
A few people paid me to write cheeky letters to their crushes in middle and high school. I watched a lot of Nora Ephron and considered it practice.
I didn’t get into the National Honor Society in my sophomore year of high school, and my mom sprung into action. I volunteered a lot and was inducted the next year. This stuff is so small potatoes now, but wow, it felt like the world ended then! Again, thanks, Mom 💗.
I always wanted to work at a snowball stand in Maryland, but it never panned out. I did, however, enjoy loads of free crab pretzels and half-and-half crab soup for employee meals.
The Pet Shop was the funkiest. We had snakes, lizards, kittens (one of whom came home with me, hi Frankie), a cruel ferret named Pumpkin, and Momma Rat who hoisted all 8 pounds of her body up to bite me as I lowered her into her hamster ball while I cleaned her cage. She gave birth to all the newborn babies we gave to the reptile owners, so it was hard to blame her with such a gaping maternal wound. I also scooped a lot of crickets. Like, hundreds of thousands of crickets.
Me, incredibly sunburnt 12 years ago, interviewed for the Penn State Liberal Arts YouTube while I was in Maine.
At Roma Pizzeria, my boss was struggling so I worked there three months with no pay. A week before I was leaving to go back to school, my friends and I stormed his shop down at Old Orchard Beach and he cut me a check. Bonkers.
Taffetta the Office Manager at Forma Furniture sent me home to change my black dress on the fifth day because it was “too short.” I’d worn the same dress in navy the day before and she complimented me on it. I quit on Day 10.
One of our customers always came in for unsliced Sunflower Whole Wheat at Great Harvest, but sometimes when she got there, they had sliced all of the fresh loaves. I finally was like, Roberta, please let me help you, I will stop a loaf from being sliced if you tell me when you’re coming! Just call when you know! She was always determined to chance it. She denied me every time and every time she didn’t get her loaf, tears in her eyes. Once you slice bread, you can’t unslice it.
My Mommom died while I worked at Francesca’s Collections and Kelly, the recently-divorced regional manager, was such a flaming bitch about me needing to leave town to go to the funeral. #peopledontforget
The best job of them all was Metro. My best friends and I had fairly free reign over the store, an independent boutique from A.J. Fine that restocked every week with limited supply and was the place to buy your fratty Penn State party fits, babes. We browsed and ordered wholesale, merchandised the store to our liking, created the website and launched Instagram (it was 2011-2014, give me a break!), we got cease and desists from Kanye West and Jack Daniels for screenprinting a little too close to their merch, we coaxed, we untangled, we cleaned up hair and hangers, we hit sales records, we had printed receipts so long they crossed the whole store and back, we danced to Get Me Bodied in the middle of the workday for the drunk Saturday football crowds, we cried in the bathroom during Volleyball Week, and after it was all done, we went out to the Gaff and watched the gorgeous girlies around us dance in the clothes we dressed mannequins in earlier, and it was pretty fuckin’ cool.
Thank you for reading. If this stayed with you, a single 🫧 Lava Drop helps keep the light on.